innocence...

this innocence.. this brilliance...

please don't take it away...

i believe there is a reason...

why things happen the way they happen, why some things change...and why somethings don't.

today, i wish to send out my plea...

my...

this is me justifying myself...

why i am who i am...

and the making of me...

Once before...heh...seems like such a long time ago...

i had a friend... first...second standard maybe...

the same year she got a place in my heart, she left town, never to be heard of again.

she was my luck, and now, her memory is my misery.

after her...

i have met no one i could call a true friend, no one who would...or even could understand me..and like me for who i was...

worse than lost, i still roam around with "friends" forcing a jaw aching smile upon my face...terrified of not smilling.

my family... to say in one word is distorted. well, as far as i believe, its been a broken puzzle piece... no one was willing to fix..

and forever i remember it that way..

childish mistakes from the past haunting me on lonely nights...when i am too afraid to sleep.

i love my parents, and my brother. and they love me. thats what we need for a family to function... i know its not true, but i tend to make up things... and they stay in my head for long enough, the thoughts tend to become..extremely close to reality.

my innocence was stolen from me at a young age. i don't know what i did wrong, or even where i made that mistake, but all i know is, one day... i just woke up..feeling like me.

i never meant to hurt anyone.. and i don't mean to even now. but still i have hurt people.

time for confessions, i am a pervert, i am a bitch, and i am a completely crazy.

but that doesn't mean i hurt people for the sake of it.

i wish i could loose the true friends i have found here...

but some things...can never be undone..

my friends, are my life, and they will be the death of me.

apologies, and condolences.

i never meant to do the things i did, but if you don't forgive me...

the world will still spin, and the rain will still fall.

i didn't wish to be the way i am. i just am. and this is my justification. laugh if you want to...its me...and its my life.

don't think i am that far from reaching six feet under.

I'll still pray though...