7 posts from November 2007

O! Father, in heaven Thou be,
But so far away...do my miseries you see?
Do You hear my cries for help when away so high,
Because i am tiring of the wind i always hear sigh.

when i close my eyes with hope, trying to get to sleep,
Bad memories, thoughts and lies, into my head do seep.
When i cower in fear, of something that is not here,
I pray a silent prayer, trying to fall asleep.

After the terrible night, when i out of bed am drone,
You come up to me with a smile, showing out Your fiery crown.
as i blind in rage, and walk past solemn faces,
i pray i hear a familiar voice, from the stones and maces.

Why do i smile at faces i don't like to see,
why do i have to stay at places i don't want to be?
i am waiting for my answer O! Creator of the Stars,
I am waiting for you to take me away, dear Lord...

 i never knew what it'd be like to be alone on a valentines day..

i don't think i ever will.

i remember some things... that should have never happened, though they have helped me find my right direction.

changing the past is something none of us can do...

but things are looking on the bright side...

my jaw doesn't hurt anymore..

usually..

after a hard day at the college..more than my hands or legs.. my jaw would hurt from a syndrome i call "oversmiling"

but life is always sweet...

i love it when i can do what i do cause i want to do what i do..

my eyes don't wander anymore... and i know the reson to this.

forgive me for revealing names, but

teddy, sam, andrei, blaze,addy, shandi, luci, burny...

lots more names...

so many..

that i  cant even write them out any more :D

and thats what makes me happy, smile, but it makes me cry to... cry in joy..

tears of joy are such weird things...

one day..

I'm gonna do a study on them.

just for now...

i am happy [:)]

sorry, its become habitual these days..

the smiley's...

as addy puts it

 XDXD

Where are you? Where am I?
I thought we were both flying in the sky.
But then we both came down from there,
We both dropped and fell in hell.

I can’t remember anymore,
The songs we sang all that time ago.
Now you hide like a petty thief,
Afraid to look back, afraid to look at me.

What did you see there in her eyes?
I thought I was there in your heart.
Did you forget everything we shared?
Forgot and got into her bed.

Now I can’t even look at you,
Even after I gave my heart to you…
How could you do this to me?
Pulled me hard into this reality.

Where are you? Where am I?
You left me all alone in the sky.
You left me to fall down to earth,
Fall down into my dearth.

Now you don’t even think of me,
I'm sitting right here, but you don’t even see.
I’ll say it now, you broke my heart,But that girls gonna go ahead and rip yours out.

I still remember what he said,
It’s still ringing there inside my head.
He said that he’s not coming back,
He said he wont even turn and look back.

That was more than a year ago,
It’s too much to mourn anymore.
Time has taken its toll on me,
Hell’s comin’ up to set me free.

I called him and told him to see my grave,
Before he lands in one, I said.
He kept the phone down and never came,
And I’ve slipped away; it’s all in the game.

Now I’ve been there and I’ve done that,
No questions, no answers, none of that.
It’s been such a very long time now,But I still remember him an’ what he said.

I still remember what he said,
It’s still ringing there inside my head.
He said that he’s not coming back,
He said he wont even turn and look back.

That was more than a year ago,
It’s too much to mourn anymore.
Time has taken its toll on me,
Hell’s comin’ up to set me free.

I called him and told him to see my grave,
Before he lands in one, I said.
He kept the phone down and never came,
And I’ve slipped away; it’s all in the game.

Now I’ve been there and I’ve done that,
No questions, no answers, none of that.
It’s been such a very long time now,But I still remember him an’ what he said.

this innocence.. this brilliance...

please don't take it away...

i believe there is a reason...

why things happen the way they happen, why some things change...and why somethings don't.

today, i wish to send out my plea...

my...

this is me justifying myself...

why i am who i am...

and the making of me...

Once before...heh...seems like such a long time ago...

i had a friend... first...second standard maybe...

the same year she got a place in my heart, she left town, never to be heard of again.

she was my luck, and now, her memory is my misery.

after her...

i have met no one i could call a true friend, no one who would...or even could understand me..and like me for who i was...

worse than lost, i still roam around with "friends" forcing a jaw aching smile upon my face...terrified of not smilling.

my family... to say in one word is distorted. well, as far as i believe, its been a broken puzzle piece... no one was willing to fix..

and forever i remember it that way..

childish mistakes from the past haunting me on lonely nights...when i am too afraid to sleep.

i love my parents, and my brother. and they love me. thats what we need for a family to function... i know its not true, but i tend to make up things... and they stay in my head for long enough, the thoughts tend to become..extremely close to reality.

my innocence was stolen from me at a young age. i don't know what i did wrong, or even where i made that mistake, but all i know is, one day... i just woke up..feeling like me.

i never meant to hurt anyone.. and i don't mean to even now. but still i have hurt people.

time for confessions, i am a pervert, i am a bitch, and i am a completely crazy.

but that doesn't mean i hurt people for the sake of it.

i wish i could loose the true friends i have found here...

but some things...can never be undone..

my friends, are my life, and they will be the death of me.

apologies, and condolences.

i never meant to do the things i did, but if you don't forgive me...

the world will still spin, and the rain will still fall.

i didn't wish to be the way i am. i just am. and this is my justification. laugh if you want to...its me...and its my life.

don't think i am that far from reaching six feet under.

I'll still pray though...